I’ve spent about three hours learning how to craft a fabulous blog post for my blogging debut, and I’m going to regurgitate that info and demonstrate all the rules by breaking them into little pieces and then jumping up and down on the pieces and then grinding the pieces into glittery shards- like you used to get from those ‘non-shatter’ rulers which were falsely advertised, because they did shatter, into pieces as sharp and mean as any pencil case shank, and better than those blunt compasses...wait. I was saying something.
Oh yeah! First blog post, and all that.
1) Use highly searchable terms. I have actually followed that one because I’ve put ‘how to write a good blog’ in the title. People put that into google all the time, I know because I did it.
2) Have something to actually say. That’s a pretty important one. I think I had something to write about 6 hours ago when I first sat down and thought I should probably start that blog now, I’ve been meaning to do it since 2006. However I was unprepared for the fingernailshredding difficulty of choosing a blog name AND a domain name. I thought of some really cool ones but being the woefully unoriginal individual that I am, they were all gone. That used up all my ingenuity and now....you're getting a list.
3) Don’t plug someone else’s blog in your VERY FIRST POST. For numerous reasons really, but I broke off writing in excitement because I saw that hyperbole and a half (at hyperboleandahalf.blogspot) had updated. Two reasons not to do this- a. They won’t appreciate the plug from a nonentity like you even if they are your bestest friend ever, and b. because your readers will go off and look at that.
4) Apparently, It’s the fifth anniversary of my blog today! Gosh, it seems like just five minutes ago that I wrote my post. Oh, that’s because it FUCKING WAS. Rule number four- Google what you are calling yourself first. I just wrote a wonderful, concise, witty, erudite post (and what? You can’t prove I didn’t) under the blog title ‘I should be writing’ which was my 8 millionth name choice. Googled to find it...and discovered that ‘I should be writing’ is a moderately successful blog, which is to say, so successful that I have had to start again.
5) Don’t get distracted by....
6) Be a naturally patient person. If you aren’t, then take something which manufactures patience as a by-product. Like a large gin or a painkiller or anything else that will put you in a stupor, because getting to the point where you have found a name no one else has taken by sifting through random word combinations is...time consuming. I started out trying to make an actual blog and domain name related to my life long desire to be a writer, and somewhere about the 25th permutation of ‘I like writing’ I lost it a bit and started just putting in random brain-fart combination of words like ‘robot bollocks’, and finally, just violent threats such as ‘death to blogger.com’ and ‘I will kill you all!’
Some domain names that I was surprised to find taken:
Ilovepens
Ilikepie
Hotsarahpalin
JesusCock
Jesusdick
Jesuspenis (running theme here)
Iwillkillyouall
angrypenguins
and my personal favourite...
thegoodnamesaretaken.blogspot.com
That's all I have for now, my brain has been squeezed of juice. I'll come up with an ethos and a purpose and blog manifesto and a better graphic of a brain and a nicer design, and all that stuff, by the next time I post. Maybe.
That's all I have for now, my brain has been squeezed of juice. I'll come up with an ethos and a purpose and blog manifesto and a better graphic of a brain and a nicer design, and all that stuff, by the next time I post. Maybe.
